Day 285: The Lilongwe Round

12.10.09: Ah, well you see it's like this: I've been kicking myself (literally, you want to see the whelks on my ass) about Algeria and Libya. Not because Libya sounds like an area of the female genitalia and I haven't cracked a joke about it yet, but because of this: WHY DIDN'T I JUST BRIBE THE BORDER GUARDS?? This notion has spread like an itch all over my body and I can't help every time I look at that bloody map on the Odyssey Home page but wince over the fact that Algeria and Libya, those two vast swathes of North Africa are still coloured in white – white goddamnit! WHITE!! I never crossed those borders. For those of you who are joining in The Odyssey a little late (bless you I need all the support that I can muster) you might not know what happened,…

Continue Reading Day 285: The Lilongwe Round

Day 284: Zambezi-Peasy

11.10.09: But at 5am, I was up an at 'em, kicking ass all the way up to Tete on what was admittedly a dreadful bus journey. All I wanted to do was SLEEEEEEP, but the music was set to BEYOND max and the rugrats on the bus were as unhappy as I was about the situation – screaming and bawling like their lives depended on it. Although the devil in me found itself musing whether their displeasure was caused by seeing themselves in a mirror lately – my word these kids were UGLY. Wow. One looked the spit of George W. Bush. Which would have been bad enough had she not been a girl. Yes, yes I'm sure beauty is only skin deep, but I don't swing with no ming, it's not the way I ride. I don't care if their two years old or eighty-two…

Continue Reading Day 284: Zambezi-Peasy

Day 283: Back in Aff

10.10.09: Yep, back in Aff all right, back in Aff. First up, buses in Mozambique are not allowed to run at night (no street lights + drunk drivers = too dangerous), which is why the bus left at half-four in the morning (my taxi driver was even less than impressed than I). Secondly, the roads in Mozambique are in that kinda half-built stage that all African roads seem to be in north of the Tropic of Capricorn. What was particularly amusing was the fact that responsibly for building roads in Mozambique (like the Empire) lies in the hands of the regional governors. Which means you'll be hurtling along a lovely strip of Asphalt at 100 miles an hour when suddenly WHAM you cross a state boundary and suddenly you're up to your bits in dust and cattle. This is what it was like all the way…

Continue Reading Day 283: Back in Aff

Day 282: Havin’ a Mozey

09.10.09: You know when you should really be getting up but you just really can't be bothered? That was me this morning. Feeling a little bad for waking Lilianna with my snooze alarm every 15 minutes from 5am, I eventually elected (after several recounts) to rise from my slumber somewhere around the wrong side of 7. Lilianna drove me down to the minibus park and before I knew it, I was whisked away back from whence I came to the crossroads town of Manzini. There, I caught another minibus to Mozambique, Nation 117, feeling like I've arrived at the party a little late. But to be honest with you, even if I had left Durban on Wednesday, I would have only got to Mozambique yesterday, and the buses up north go VERY early in the morning, so I would have been stuck there until this morning…

Continue Reading Day 282: Havin’ a Mozey