Day 263: Why Fool Yoda Is

20.09.09:

Today was another DVD-fest, a Hitchcock triple-bill (The Trouble With Harry (Crap), Topaz (Good) and Marnie (Okay)) culminating in Michael and I watching James Dean chew the scenery like a starving billy-goat in East of Eden, which is nicely shot (mmm… Dutch Tilts) but is, quite frankly, as boring as hell. I think we both fell asleep at various points. Gimme Bruno any day.

Something got me thinking about the most idiotic character in the Star Wars universe; no, it’s not Jar Jar, it’s that little bongo-brain, Jedi Master Yoda. From the word go, that grammatically-challenged frog is a Class-A fool.

First up, he separates some powerful Jedi kid from his mum, and then leaves her IN SLAVERY for ten years. What? Why?

Then he decides that space wizards aren’t allowed to get it on with the opposite sex. Even though (it would appear) that Jedis breed Jedis. Just cos he’s got the voice of Fozzy Bear and all of the sex-appeal of the crazy dwarf from Don’t Look Now, doesn’t mean that he has to spoil everyone else’s fun.

Then he has two light-sabre fights with a couple of old-age pensioners, both of which he loses. Because, let’s face it, he’s a terrible Jedi.

But his biggest failing is during Luke’s training. First up, why does he wait until Luke is 21 years old? And then why does he give him such terrible advice? You’ve got to kill your dad. Can’t I talk him round? No, apparently a Jedi that would make you not. Eh?

But his dumbest line is the one that goes:

This one a long time have I watched. All his life he has looked away; to the past, to the future, never his mind on where he was, what he was doing.

What a pleb.

Everyone should have one eye on the past, to learn from one’s mistakes, and one eye on the future, to prepare for what lies ahead. You know what you get if you follow Yoda’s stupid philosophy? Africa. Here there is no learning from (or even acknowledging) the past and the future is an undiscovered country. Everyone’s mind is narrowly focused on where they are, what they are doing. If they’re alright until midnight, then all’s well here, chuck.

This live-for-today attitude accounts for yesterday’s war criminals that have not been brought to trial and tomorrow’s decrepit and defunct infrastructure.

It also means that there are unhealed social wounds which can only fester and become infected (Rwanda, Sierra Leone) and that governments can get away with gross under-investment in roads, sewers, railways, schools and hospitals.

I can see why this attitude is so prevalent: why plan for the future when you probably won’t be around to see it? I just wish it wasn’t so. And sociopathic lizards like Jedi Master Yoda aren’t helping.

Graham Hughes

Graham Hughes is a British adventurer, presenter, filmmaker and author. He is the only person to have travelled to every country in the world without flying. From 2014 to 2017 he lived off-grid on a private island that he won in a game show, before returning to the UK to campaign for a better future for the generations to come.

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