Day 138: Due South

Day 138: Due South

18.05.09:

The connection to the desert town of Dakhla – the furthest south one can go on public transport in Morocco – was seamless. I had barely arrived in Agadir before I found myself on another bus heading south at 100kph. Coolio!

Cursing myself for not buying a new novel to read in Spain, and for not charging the batteries on my ipod, I spent the day drifting in and out of consciousness, until I found myself a travel buddy in Abdullah – a guy from Western Sahara who was happy to chew the fat over the dastardly Moroccans annexing the former Spanish Sahara in 1975 and flooding it full of Moroccans (the Green March!) so the native Western Saharans would always lose any referendum calling for independence (nice trick – bet they learnt it from the British in Northern Ireland).

He was happy that I was counting Western Sahara as a nation in my Odyssey – we talked about the refugee camp in Tindouf, Algeria, where the displaced people of Western Sahara have lived for the last thirty years – Abdullah has relatives there who he has never met. Western Saharans are treated like second-class citizens in Morocco – for instance there are no universities south of the ‘border’ and there are police checkpoints every 100km (REALLY irritating when you are trying to sleep) ostensibly to look for rogue Algerians or Mauritanians, but it makes travel for Western Saharans unnecessarily difficult.

Abdullah thinks nobody in the West knows, much less cares, about the plight of the Western Saharan people (Morocco only wants them for their phosphate!) and I was afraid I had to agree with him. Without a Dalai Lama to tour the world speaking out about this kind of thing, or suicide bombers blowing themselves up, it seems the peaceful, leaderless people of the Western Sahara are never going to get the Beastie Boys to organise a gig on their behalf or get themselves on the front page of the news.

I suggested that one day Morocco might want to join the EU, and when that happens the EU might well demand greater autonomy for the region in return for membership. The EU got Turkey to clean up its prison system and abolish the death penalty, so this isn’t out of the question. But then the EU’s inability to stitch a divided Cyprus back together doesn’t bode well for Abdullah and his people.

Anyway, Abdullah got off at around midnight – I wouldn’t arrive in Dakhla until 5am.



Day 139: The Mauritania Disaster

Day 139: The Mauritania Disaster

19.05.09:

Yawning and creaking, I staggered off the bus. It was still dark in Dahkla. After a particularly weird conversation involving the local police and a desert taxi driver (implying I would have to wait three days for a shared taxi to the border), I parted with 130 Euro [CHINNNNG! See those gold rings fly!] to hire all six places in the desert taxi.

It’s four hours drive to the border, so I kinda justified the cost – there is no real public transport, it’s shared taxi or nothing, and if you ain’t got nobody to share…

Only (I found out later) I think the cop meant that I would have to wait three hours, not three days. Heures and Jours aside, it was a looooooong trip. Then I had to wait in the baking sun OF THE SAHARA DESERT NO LESS for an hour to get my stamp out (oooooh, they love taking their merry time about things, don’t they, border guards?). There is 3km of MINED no-mans land between the two borders (keep to the track!) and so I hitched a lift in an oil truck through the barren, littered track that joins the two countries (who haven’t seen eye-to-eye since Morocco’s great land grab of 1975) – we CRAWLED at 4kph.

Finally… dirty, sweating and tired… I get to the Mauritanian border.

In my 2006 edition of Lonely Planet West Africa it clearly states… you can get your visa on the border.

In my 2007 edition of Lonely Planet Africa it clearly states… you can get your visa on the border.

I checked this on the internet last November, before I left… you can get your visa on the border.

Visa, s’il vous plaît…

No. Not here. Rabat.

WHAT? The desert SHOOK from the barrage of expletives that issued forth.

Rabat is 2000 kilometres away.

A shrug…”the rules have changed. Here are all the people I have turned back…” – a list of perhaps a hundred or so names, passport numbers. Smug. Ha ha silly westerners cannot break into Africa.

I try to bribe him, but he’s not shiftin’.

Sorry, Mauritania, did I miss something here? Let’s get this straight… YOU ARE ONE OF THE POOREST COUNTRIES IN THE WORLD. Over 90% of your population live on less than a dollar a day. I (thank my lucky stars) come from the FIFTH richest. I have a wad of dollars in my pocket ready to spend on your transport, your food and your accommodation – AND YOU WON’T LET ME IN. Instead, that money is going to be spent in MOROCCO – you know, those ne’erdowells that ‘STOLE’ Western Sahara from you.

Africa already reminds me of the joke about the man who asks God if he can win the lottery; God agrees, but after three weeks go by without a win, the man asks, what gives? God suggests that it might help if the man went out and bought a ticket.

God damn you, Mauritania. God damn you to hell.

I turned around and headed back over no-man’s-land. This is the ONLY viable overland route into Sub-Saharan Africa. I had no choice.

I got a shared taxi back to Dakhla. I had to share the front seat with this guy who had NO volume control and an amazingly irritating Peter Lorre-like voice. Christ, I have never wanted to throw somebody out of a speeding car so much in my life. I actually looked at the handle a couple of times to see if I could make it look like an accident.

I tried to close my eyes and go to sleep, but this utter —- kept on tapping my shoulder EVERY FIVE MINUTES to show me some utter CRAP animation / music video / MENU(!) on his mobile phone. Oh man, you have NO idea how much I wanted to throw that damn thing out of the window (and the phone). On top of that, he kept getting a picture of himself out of his pocket, pointing at the picture and then pointing at himself, like I was meant to be impressed by this new-fangled technology.

I had to put up with FOUR HOURS of this jerk.

Then he sat there with the crappy tinny distorted phone speaker blearing RIGHT NEXT TO MY EAR that utter bobbins Middle Eastern music that sounds like a cartoon character being thrown down a VERY deep well.

AIIIIIEEEEE-AIIIIIIIEEEE-AIIIIIIIEEEEE
AIIIIIEEEEE-AIIIIIIIEEEE-AIIIIIIIEEEEE
AIIIIIEEEEE-AIIIIIIIEEEE-AIIIIIIIEEEEE
AIIIIIEEEEE-AIIIIIIIEEEE-AIIIIIIIEEEEE
AIIIIIEEEEE-AIIIIIIIEEEE-AIIIIIIIEEEEE
AIIIIIEEEEE-AIIIIIIIEEEE-AIIIIIIIEEEEE
AIIIIIEEEEE-AIIIIIIIEEEE-AIIIIIIIEEEEE
AIIIIIEEEEE-AIIIIIIIEEEE-AIIIIIIIEEEEE
AIIIIIEEEEE-AIIIIIIIEEEE-AIIIIIIIEEEEE

etc. Ad Nauseum ad infinitum.

By the time I got to Dakhla I was ready to kill, kill and kill again. And I’m a lover, not a fighter.

And just to add injury to insult, the tooth filling that I had done a few days ago in Barcelona FELL OUT.

Any lesser mortal would have given up at this point. But I realised what I needed was a POWER-UP KEBAB…

A tasty shawarma and a coke increased my hit-points to 125 and I started to see the funny side.

Is this the best Africa can throw at me? Ha! Even if it takes me the rest of the year, I’m going to crack this nut, no matter how many sledgehammers I get through. Going back to Rabat is just like having to start again on level 1-1.

I grew up in a time in which you could not save your computer games. I’m used to this kind of nonsense.

After some faffing about with photocopies of my passport (so everyone on the bus didn’t have to wait for fifteen minutes at every police checkpoint while they took down my details), I hopped on the bus back to Agadir. It would be 2 days before I arrived in Rabat.

Here’s the video round-up of the last seven days:



Day 143: The Sahara, Again

Day 143: The Sahara, Again

23.05.09:

The bus dropped me off in the desert town of Tan Tan at 7am. The guy in the ticket office back in Rabat assured me there was a ‘connecting bus’ to Dahkla – the ‘border town’ with Mauritania (you know, the one that’s 400km from the actual border).

Oh yes, there was a bus.

But it didn’t arrive until 11pm.

Luckily there were a group of us that had fallen into the same Mauritanian border no-visas-here honeytrap, so we clubbed together and took a shared taxi the 1000km to Dahkla. Nobody spoke particularly good English, and my French is slightly worse than appalling so it was a bit of a lonely trip, I spent most of my time listening to my iPod. I did, however, pay double so I could have the front seat all to myself.

After all this nonsense, I deserved a luxury or two!!

Once we got to Dahkla I was shattered. The border closes at 6pm, and we didn’t arrive until after 8 – we where slowed down by the RIDICULOUS number of police checkpoints (seriously – I am NOT exaggerating when I say that there were two within 20 yards of each other!!) at which we had to hand over our passports, have all the information (slowly and methodically) written down by Arabic Rain Men, be queried about where we are going and how we are going to get there and what our professions were etc. etc. They must have a big problem with British and French people illegally crossing over the SAHARA from Algeria to rape and pillage and murder their way through Western Sahara.

Yeah.



Day 144: Er, Why Are You Here?

Day 144: Er, Why Are You Here?

24.05.09:

I stayed in Auberge Du Sahara camping in Dahkla and would thoroughly recommend it. It only cost about a fiver and they even made me dinner. In the morning, twas another bit of shared taxi malarkey to the border. There I met Michel, a French guy heading to Dakar in his van. He took me the killer 3km over no-mans land, and there we waited.

And waited.

And waited.

The Mauritanian Border

The Mauritanian Border

We had arrived at the border around 11am. By 4pm we had finally got our passports stamped into Maur-f-ing-tania. Seriously. Was the border very busy? Was it hell. I’ve seen more people at a pro-paedophile rally in a sink estate in Croydon.

There is an old Moroccan proverb, A guest is a gift from God.

I think there’s also a Mauritanian proverb. A guest is about as wanted as blood in your stool.

Can I recommend you NEVER go to Mauritania? Seriously. 0/10.

The worst of it is, Michel didn’t have a visa.

THEY CHANGED THE RULES AGAIN.

You can now GET A VISA ON THE GOD-DAMN BORDER!!!!!!!

I screamed, but the desert didn’t seem to care.

But every cloud and all that jazz, I did get to see the Iron Ore train made famous by Michael Palin in ‘Sahara’…

The Iron Ore Train - Mauritania

The Iron Ore Train

…which was pretty cool.  It’s over 4km long, making it the longest train in the world!!

Iron Ore Train

Thomas And The Fat Controller

Michel took me as far as the bus ‘station’ (the side of the road) and I got on the coach to Nouakchott, the capital of this inhospitable land. The road was good and the desert scenery was nice.

Desert Road

Desert Road

That night, I stayed in a really good camp site/youth hostel on the edge of town and in the morning headed over to get a ‘sept place‘ (a shared taxi) for the border with Senegal.